Category Archives: Control

Stress Busters!

In my line of work as a Minister, master Life Coach and Mentor, I often find myself with a plate full of my own stuff and then add to that all the other people that I work with and their stuff and you can only imagine that the stress level can get very high. Folks often ask me: “How do you manage it all with a smile on your face and a positive attitude?“ To which I respond: “I don’t always manage it all. I’m not always smiling and sometimes my attitude needs adjusting.”

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” -Proverbs 12:25

I have however, learned a few tricks that help me to usually keep the wagon between the ditches and as long as I am keeping a check on these seven areas and making the necessary adjustments, they usually aid me in living life from a good place.

1.) QUIET TIME! There is way too much noise in this world and the majority of it is a waste, just mindless filler. We were created for quietness. In fact, God says to be still, be quiet and listen for His gentle whisper. Make time for quiet time, where you just sit in quietness of go for a walk with nothing but the sounds of nature. It is amazing what this does for us physically, mentally and spiritually.

2.) BREATE! I know what you’re thinking: If I don’t breath, then I would die and the truth is that is exactly what a lot of folks are doing – dying a slow death. Take time to breathe and notice your breath. Every now and then stop what you’re doing and take three deep breaths in and out and thank God for the gift of air.

3.) THINK GOOD THOUGHTS! Everything that is, was once a thought. In other words: Thoughts are things! We need to be monitoring our thoughts to make sure our thoughts are positive and not negative. If we are having negative thoughts, then we need to get rid of them as quickly as possible and replace them with positive thoughts, because as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.

4.) HYDRATE! Water is important, we cannot survive without it and we will not thrive is we don’t make sure that we are giving our body a regular supply. The common wisdom says we should drink at least 8 glasses a day. Water is the very best medicine we can take and works to benefit every part of our life and living.

5.) PRACTICE GRATITUDE! We have much to be thankful for, but we are usually too busy and preoccupied to take the time to think about it. Make sure that you are making time to to think about your blessings and taking time to say thank you for it all.

6.) STRETCH! We learn this in Primary School Gym Class. It is important to stretch our muscles before we work out and just living life in this world is a work out, so we should be stretching everyday, a few times a day. It’s amazing how much better it makes you feel, so make it a priority, you will be glad you did.

7.) MANAGE EXPECTATIONS! You can’t do everything, so be realistic with yourself and with others about what you can and can’t do. Be honest about what you will and won’t do. You don’t have to do everything and if you try to do it all, then you are sure to fail. Focus on what really matters, let the rest work itself out and you will be a much happier person…

Dealing With Anger Before It Deals With You!

There is nothing wrong with getting angry, in fact it is a natural human response that indicates that something has annoyed, challenged or frustrated us. The problem with anger is when we allow it to take control and call the shots for us, often causing us to say or do something that we later regret and feel shame for.

9 Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. -Ecclesiastes 7:9

So the big question is: How do I deal with anger before it deals with me? There are a lot of different things that we can try, bunt from my personal experience, there is not a one and done remedy and usually it takes a combinations of efforts to get untangled from the web that anger weaves.

The most important thing is to make a decision before you are angry that you are not ever going to allow anger to call the shots. This way, you go in from a strong place, which is much better than beginning from a place of weakness. Below are a few other ideas that will assist you in dealing with anger before it deals with you.

There is the famous “Count Method!” You can either count to ten or count backwards, but I have found that many times, this seems to get me a little more angry???

Take A Breath! In fact, take several deep breaths – in and out. Our breathing becomes shallow and rapid when we are angry and sometimes taking a moment to focus on and change our breathing works wonders in calming us down enough to get back our control.

Go For A Walk! Walking is one of the best things we can do for a lot of different things, but taking time to walk when we are angry allows us to process our thoughts and gives us some time to gain that control back that is so easily lost.

Stretch Your Frustration Away! When we get angry, our muscles tense up, tighten and we become a big ole ball of negative emotions. When we are in this state, it is very easy for us to say or do something that we are sure to regret later. Stretch it out – you will be glad you did!

Pray! That’s right, take some time to talk to God and also some time to listen to God. Prayer is powerful and God wants to help us be victorious in every area of our life, so just by making and taking the time to talk and listen to God, you are moving yourself to a higher level of living. It’s also a great idea to write in your journal, this gives you creative space to shake free of the entanglements of anger!

Practice Gratitude! This requires a major shift in gears, but if you make it, it will totally change things and fast, In fact, I keep a gratitude list in my head and heart of top blessing that I have in my life that help to remind me of the things that really matter. Thinking through this list gets me grateful and moves me to a better place quicker than almost anything else.

Now there are a thousand other ways to deal with anger before it deals with you. I encourage you to find your top three to five and have them in your arsenal, ready to draw whenever anger decides to raise it’s ugly head in your life. You’ve got this, because you were created for so much more!

Paradoxical Unity!

Some say that to appreciate someone or something as beautiful, then someone or something else must be identified as ugly. This also works in the reverse: To see something as ugly, then we must identify something else as beautiful. This comparison is based on duality of two or more things being opposite from one another and one being better or worse than the other.

We practice the idea of duality in all of our life and living. There is living and dying. Dying is what makes living so precious, while dying makes us think twice about wasting our living. Other examples include fat and skinny, short and tall, love and hate, male and female, young and old, up and down, black and white, good and evil. You get the idea, right?

The world we live in has trained us to judge everything in the realm of duality, but what if instead, we viewed it all as a big part of the Master Plan? The real problem with duality is that it requires us to make a judgment and it is usually the judgment that messes us up, breaks our relationships and moves us away from the life of blessing we were created for.

We like to say: “Well everyone is entitled to their opinion!” Really – who says? Why do we have to have an option? Why do we feel so compelled to make a judgment? While there is clearly duality in the things we have mentioned, it’s not the duality we need to concern ourselves with. We need instead to be looking for the unity, because in the unity is where we find freedom, purpose and peace.

Life and death are different, but the same. Good and evil are judgments, but one cannot be made without the other, so both are necessary. You are a paradox in unity yourself, because you are human, but spiritual at the same time, meaning that part of you has limits and another part of you is unlimited.

You are not any one thing, instead you are billions of pieces, a mixture of divinity and humanity, spirit and flesh, heaven and earth. You are powerful and powerless, so what’s your choice? How will you live? You can live as a jumbled up mixture of criticism, emotions and judgment or you can live a blessed, fulfilled and inspirational life that goes with the flow of the One who brought you to the dance…