All posts by mjharvell

Husband, Dad Spiritual Coach, Teacher, Author, Hiker, Outdoorsman, Big Kid, One who is just passing through! I choose to heal, grow, learn, develop, laugh, live and above all love...

Does What You Value Make You Valuable?

I love history and I enjoy reading about the lives of our past Presidents. One of my favorites is our very first President George Washington, who I believe was a very special person and who I am continually intrigued by. One of the most interesting things about him is all of the things he did to grow and develop himself as a person. One of the reasons that he is credited with being such a special person is because of some virtues and values he adopted as a teenager.

It is said that by the age of sixteen, George Washington had hand copied the “110 rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation”. Most believe they are based on a set of rules composed by French Jesuits in 1595 and that Washington copied them as a part of a penmanship exercise.

A lot of these rules may seem silly now a days or some may even think of them as being too strict or lame, but before we dismiss them, we should give them some consideration, because they tend to take the focus off of self and place it on others. These are small sacrafices we can make for the blessing and benefit of others. In a nutshell, these rules show our respect for others and give us the gift of self-respect and a good self-esteem.

Here are “THE RULES ”

  1. Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect, to those that are present.
  2. When in company, put not your hands to any part of the body, not usually discovered.
  3. Show nothing to your friend that may affright him.
  4. In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming noise, nor drum with your fingers or feet.
  5. If you cough, sneeze, sigh, or yawn, do it not loud but privately; and speak not in your yawning, but put your handkerchief or hand before your face and turn aside.
  6. Sleep not when others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you should hold your peace, walk not on when others stop.
  7. Put not off your cloths in the presence of others, nor go out your chamber half dressed.
  8. At play and at fire its good manners to give place to the last comer, and affect not to speak louder than ordinary.
  9. Spit not in the fire, nor stoop low before it neither put your hands into the flames to warm them, nor set your feet upon the fire especially if there be meat before it.
  10. When you sit down, keep your feet firm and even, without putting one on the other or crossing them.
  11. Shift not yourself in the sight of others nor gnaw your nails.
  12. Shake not the head, feet, or legs roll not the eyes lift not one eyebrow higher than the other wry not the mouth, and bedew no mans face with your spittle, by approaching too near him when you speak.
  13. Kill no vermin as fleas, lice ticks in the sight of others, if you see any filth or thick spittle put your foot dexterously upon it if it be upon the cloths of your companions, put it off privately, and if it be upon your own cloths return thanks to him who puts it off.
  14. Turn not your back to others especially in speaking, jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes, lean not upon any one.
  15. Keep your nails clean and short, also your hands and teeth clean yet without showing any great concern for them.
  16. Do not puff up the cheeks, loll not out the tongue rub the hands, or beard, thrust out the lips, or bite them or keep the lips too open or too close.
  17. Be no flatterer, neither play with any that delights not to be played withal.
  18. Read no letters, books, or papers in company but when there is a necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave: come not near the books or writings of another so as to read them unless desired or give your opinion of them unasked also look not nigh when another is writing a letter.
  19. Let your countenance be pleasant but in serious matters somewhat grave.
  20. The gestures of the body must be suited to the discourse you are upon.
  21. Reproach none for the infirmities of nature, nor delight to put them that have in mind thereof.
  22. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another though he were your enemy.
  23. When you see a crime punished, you may be inwardly pleased; but always show pity to the suffering offender.
  24. Do not laugh too loud or too much at any public spectacle.
  25. Superfluous complements and all affectation of ceremony are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be neglected.
  26. In pulling off your hat to persons of distinction, as noblemen, justices, churchmen &c make a reverence, bowing more or less according to the custom of the better bred, and quality of the person. Amongst your equals expect not always that they should begin with you first, but to pull off the hat when there is no need is affectation, in the manner of saluting and re-saluting in words keep to the most usual custom.
  27. ‘Tis ill manners to bid one more eminent than yourself be covered as well as not to do it to whom it’s due likewise he that makes too much haste to put on his hat does not well, yet he ought to put it on at the first, or at most the second time of being asked; now what is herein spoken, of qualification in behavior in saluting, ought also to be observed in taking of place, and sitting down for ceremonies without bounds is troublesome.
  28. If any one come to speak to you while you are sitting stand up though he be your inferior, and when you present seats let it be to every one according to his degree.
  29. When you meet with one of greater quality than yourself, stop, and retire especially if it be at a door or any straight place to give way for him to pass.
  30. In walking the highest place in most countries seems to be on the right hand therefore place yourself on the left of him whom you desire to honor: but if three walk together the middle place is the most honorable the wall is usually given to the most worthy if two walk together.
  31. If any one far surpasses others, either in age, estate, or merit yet would give place to a meaner than himself in his own lodging or elsewhere the one ought not to except it, so he on the other part should not use much earnestness nor offer it above once or twice.
  32. To one that is your equal, or not much inferior you are to give the chief place in your lodging and he to who ‘is offered ought at the first to refuse it but at the second to accept though not without acknowledging his own unworthiness.
  33. They that are in dignity or in office have in all places precedence but whilst they are young they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge.
  34. It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves especially if they be above us with whom in no sort we ought to begin.
  35. Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.
  36. Artificers & persons of low degree ought not to use many ceremonies to lords or others of high degree but respect and highly honor them, and those of high degree ought to treat them with affability & courtesy, without arrogance.
  37. In speaking to men of quality do not lean nor look them full in the face, nor approach too near them at lest keep a full pace from them.
  38. In visiting the sick, do not presently play the physician if you do not know therein.
  39. In writing or speaking, give to every person his due title according to his degree & the custom of the place.
  40. Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty.
  41. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art himself professes; it savors of arrogance.
  42. Let thy ceremonies in courtesy be proper to the dignity of his place with whom thou converses for it is absurd to act the same with a clown and a prince.
  43. Do not express joy before one sick or in pain for that contrary passion will aggravate his misery.
  44. When a man does all he can though it succeeds not well blame not him that did it.
  45. Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in public or in private; presently, or at some other time in what terms to do it and in reproving show no sign of choler but do it with all sweetness and mildness.
  46. Take all admonitions thankfully in what time or place so ever given but afterwards not being culpable take a time & place convenient to let him know it that gave them.
  47. Mock not nor jest at any thing of importance break no jest that are sharp biting and if you deliver any thing witty and pleasant abstain from laughing thereat yourself.
  48. Wherein you reprove another be unblameable yourself; for example is more prevalent than precepts.
  49. Use no reproachful language against any one neither curse nor revile.
  50. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any.
  51. Wear not your cloths, foul, ripped or dusty but see they be brushed once every day at least and take heed that you approach not to any uncleanness.
  52. In your apparel be modest and endeavor to accommodate nature, rather than to procure admiration keep to the fashion of your equals such as are civil and orderly with respect to times and places.
  53. Run not in the streets, neither go too slowly nor with mouth open go not shaking your arms kick not the earth with r feet, go not upon the toes, nor in a dancing fashion.
  54. Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you, to see if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well if your stockings sit neatly, and cloths handsomely.
  55. Eat not in the streets, nor in the house, out of season.
  56. Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for ‘is better to be alone than in bad company.
  57. In walking up and down in a house, only with one in company if he be greater than yourself, at the first give him the right hand and stop not till he does and be not the first that turns, and when you do turn let it be with your face towards him, if he be a man of great quality, walk not with him cheek by jowl but somewhat behind him; but yet in such a manner that he may easily speak to you.
  58. Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for ‘is a sign of a tractable and commendable nature: and in all causes of passion admit reason to govern.
  59. Never express anything unbecoming, nor act against the rules moral before your inferiors.
  60. 60. Be not immodest in urging your friends to discover a secret.
  61. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grave and learned men nor very difficult questions or subjects, among the ignorant or things hard to be believed, stuff not your discourse with sentences amongst your betters nor equals.
  62. Speak not of doleful things in a time of mirth or at the table; speak not of melancholy things as death and wounds, and if others mention them change if you can the discourse tell not your dreams, but to your intimate friend.
  63. A man ought not to value himself of his achievements, or rare qualities of wit; much less of his riches virtue or kindred.
  64. Break not a jest where none take pleasure in mirth laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion, deride no mans misfortune, though there seem to be some cause.
  65. Speak not injurious words neither in jest nor earnest scoff at none although they give occasion.
  66. Be not forward but friendly and courteous; the first to salute hear and answer & be not pensive when it’s a time to converse.
  67. Detract not from others neither be excessive in commanding.
  68. Go not thither, where you know not, whether you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice without being asked & when desired do it briefly.
  69. If two contend together take not the part of either unconstrained; and be not obstinate in your own opinion, in things indifferent be of the major side.
  70. Reprehend not the imperfections of others for that belongs to parent’s masters and superiors.
  71. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others and ask not how they came. What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others.
  72. Speak not in an unknown tongue in company but in your own language and that as those of quality do and not as the vulgar; sublime matters treat seriously.
  73. Think before you speak pronounce not imperfectly nor bring out your words too hastily but orderly & distinctly.
  74. When another speaks be attentive your self and disturb not the audience if any hesitate in his words help him not nor prompt him without desired, interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech be ended.
  75. In the midst of discourse ask not of what one treateth but if you perceive any stop because of your coming you may well entreat him gently to proceed: if a person of quality comes in while your conversing it’s handsome to repeat what was said before.
  76. While you are talking, point not with your finger at him of whom you neither discourse nor approach too near him to whom you talk especially to his face.
  77. Treat with men at fit times about business & whisper not in the company of others.
  78. Make no comparisons and if any of the company be commended for any brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same.
  79. Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In discoursing of things you have heard name not your author always a secret discover not.
  80. Be not tedious in discourse or in reading unless you find the company pleased therewith.
  81. Be not curious to know the affairs of others neither approach those that speak in private.
  82. Undertake not what you cannot perform but be careful to keep your promise.
  83. When you deliver a matter do it without passion & with discretion, however mean the person be you do it too.
  84. When your superiors talk to any body hearken not neither speak nor laugh.
  85. In company of these of higher quality than yourself speak not ’til you are asked a question then stand upright put of your hat & answer in few words.
  86. In disputes, be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion and submit to the judgment of the major part especially if they are judges of the dispute.
  87. Let thy carriage be such as becomes a man grave settled and attentive to that, which is spoken. Contradict not at every turn what others say.
  88. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same manner of discourse.
  89. Speak not evil of the absent for it is unjust.
  90. Being set at meat scratch not, neither spit, cough or blow your nose except when there’s a necessity for it.
  91. Make no show of taking great delight in your victuals, feed not with greediness; cut your bread with a knife, lean not on the table neither find fault with what you eat.
  92. Take no salt or cut bread with your knife greasy.
  93. Entertaining any one at the table, it is decent to present him with meat; undertake not to help others undesired by the master.
  94. If you soak bread in the sauce let it be no more than what you put in your mouth at a time and blow not your broth at table but stay till cools of it self.
  95. Put not your meat to your mouth with your knife in your hand neither spit forth the stones of any fruit pie upon a dish nor cast anything under the table.
  96. It’s unbecoming to stoop much to ones meat keep your fingers clean & when foul wipe them on a corner of your table napkin.
  97. Put not another bit into your mouth till the former is swallowed. Let not your morsels be too big for the jowls.
  98. Drink not nor talk with your mouth full; neither gaze about you while you are drinking.
  99. Drink not too leisurely nor yet too hastily. Before and after drinking, wipe your lips; breathe not then or ever with too great a noise, for its uncivil.
  100. Cleanse not your teeth with the table cloth napkin, fork, or knife; but if others do it, let it be done without a peep to them.
  101. Rinse not your mouth in the presence of others.
  102. It is out of use to call upon the company often to neither eat; nor need you drink to others every time you drink.
  103. In the company of your betters, be not longer in eating than they are; lay not your arm but only your hand upon the table.
  104. It belongs to the chiefest in company to unfold his napkin and fall to meat first, but he ought then to begin in time & to dispatch with dexterity that the slowest may have time allowed him.
  105. Be not angry at the table whatever happens & if you have reason to be so, show it not; put on a cheerful countenance especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish of meat a feast.
  106. Set not yourself at the upper of the table; but if it were your due or that the master of the house will have it so, contend not, least you should trouble the company.
  107. If others talk at the table, be attentive but talk not with meat in your mouth.
  108. When you speak of god or his attributes let it be seriously & with reverence. Honor & obey your natural parents although they are poor.
  109. Let your recreations be manful not sinful.
  110. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.

Learning To Be Grateful For It All?

If we are not careful, we will waste a great deal of our lives getting caught up in and wasting time playing the blame game. The problem with playing the blame game, is just that – it’s a game and it really does not accomplish anything meaningful in our lives.

Instead of getting caught up in and distracted by the blame game, we need to see people for what they really are. Good people help us to experience happiness. Bad people provide us with experience. Ugly people teach us a lesson. And the Best people bless us with memories.

They say that a person is blessed if they can count on one hand thier good friends. Good friends give us someone to share life with and they help us enjoy the good and survive the bad. Good friends not only bring us happiness, they give us someone to share happiness with and that makes the gift of happiness even more special.

“Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; 18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Live long enough and we will encounter bad people, who do bad things to try and cause us to have a bad life, but we don’t have to empower them to call the shots in our lives, instead we can take the bad and let it remind us of what really matters, so that we don’t miss what is really important in life.

There are a group of people that come and go in our lives that can be considered ugly people and it is their desire to destroy us, kill our dreams and rob us of the beatiful gift of life, but if we choose, we can learn from the things they do and say to try and steal, kill and destroy all that is good and blessed. They key here is not to get defeated or distracted, but to learn whatever lesson life is teaching through this challenge and we will be so much better for it.

The best people are the ones that we get to share life. We take the good and the bad and walk through it all together. These people make life worth the living and enable us to face and take whatever comes our way. With these people, we are blessed with the beautiful gift of creating and sharing precious memories…

Good, bad or ugly – be grateful for it all and you will discover the best and the blessed you were created for…

Hands Down!

Have you ever been unfairly attacked? Have you ever had untrue rumors circulated around about you? Have you ever had those that you thought were your friends turn on you?

Live long enough and it probably in some way, shape or form happens to most of us. The real issue is not what others do or say, but how we respond to it.

There was a time in my life when I found myself at what was prehaps the most terrible time I’ve ever gone through, but it did not kill me, even though there were moments that I wanted it to. It did without doubt make me stronger and I think maybe a little wiser in the process…

Many years ago, I had a story to tell but chose to listen to the Spirit and keep it to myself. Many times since, I have been tempted to share my side, but have chosen again and again to listen instead to the Spirit. It was hard at first, not defending myself, not confronting the lies, not revealing the hypocrisy, but over time, I began to learn that my life is a work in progress and that learning from my mistakes, sins, and failures are the most important thing I can do with my time and the greatest way for me to give God glory and others hope.

I have never been a perfect person, but I am in a far better place today than I have ever been and it is because I have a God, Who loves me, family that walk with me, and friends who stand by me. I am not the past that others created and I am not the past of my own creation. Today I am who and what God created me to be at this time and place and so the best thing I can do, is learn from my past, enjoy my present and grow toward my future.

“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

My life today is full of blessing, peace, love, learning, laughter and grace. I still have such a long way to go and I am enjoying the journey more than ever before. I share this with you, because I want you to know that with God all things are possible, regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. Keep your focus on Him, your heart connected with His and your life will unfold to reveal amazing blessings…