I am generally a pretty positive person, but every now and then I, just like a lot of other people in our world have a little bit more than I can handle. There are times that I feel so alone! I love God with more of my heart today, than at any other time I can remember. I am excited about serving Him and I so want to bring glory to His name, but sometimes, I feel so alone in working to make it happen.
It’s not that I am alone, there is a handful of people who I can count on to walk and work with me and I am very thankful for them. If not for them, I am sure there are days that I would throw my hands up in desperation and just walk away.
I am not a 50% kinda person! I am a 100%, “all in” kinda person! There is no halfway with me. If it’s worth doing, then it’s worth doing right! If we are going to do it, then let’s really do it for God’s glory!
I am beginning to think that maybe I need to stop trying to get the people around me to become 100%ers! Maybe I just need to go out and look for 100%ers and see what God puts together. People will disappoint you quicker than anything I know!
Please don’t read this wrong: It’s not that I don’t have hope, it’s just that I want to make sure that my hope is in the right place and with the right people, because God deserves a whole lot more than He is getting!
Don’t worry about me, because I am fine. I am just another one of God’s servants on a journey to find what really matters for Him and His glory. I am tired of playing games, going through the motions and waiting for people who say they get it to really get it!
I am not giving up and I am not throwing in the towel. I am just simply sharing my heart and the struggle that it goes through in the midst of some amazing ministry. While I sometimes feel alone, I know that I am not alone! I know that God is with me and that is enough!
When the Spirit of God has given you a picture of what could be and the people of God seem to have little to no interest in developing that picture, then you can’t help but to have some negative emotion. It’s what you do with that negative emotion that counts!
The good thing about the negative emotion is that it helps me to put my focus where it belongs and that is not on people, but on God. With my eyes and heart set on God, I know that I am not alone and a new picture begins to develop and my loneliness turns to hope and that experience is what I call grace!